Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Butt Sex with Nancy Grace.....O.K. here's the thing....

Just kidding.
Wow, It is so easy to get your attention... Yup, I know I have been away from my beloved blog for too long, Mr. Moose and I have been busy exploring the vast lands between Buenos Aires and Long Island- I will explain later deah... Until then here is my rant du jour...

Throughout U.S. history there are certain years that have registered, for one reason or another, reasons usually derived from excessive tumult, as more significant years than others.
These are years that great historians of the day dedicate entire books to.
These years, and the events that took place within them, are deeply woven in to tapestry of Americana, into who and what we are.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, largely because I look around me and I see us as a nation changing very rapidly. It's astonishingly breathtaking really. There is so much that is going on right now in our country and in our world that has the potential to fundamentally alter the core of the way we, and the generations to follow us, live, it'd be scary if it wasn't so fucking exciting.
Let's start off with the fuel crisis. Already, the cost of gasoline borders on the absurd in comparison to what Americans have traditionally paid. I've read expert analysis that the end is nowhere in sight, that the price will rise to $6 per gallon on the low end, to $12 per gallon on the high end. This, of course, effects the cost of EVERYTHING. But those most affected by this will be the millions who bought into the whole "American Dream" sales pitch, the one shoved down all of our throats by the massive government and societal brainwashing PR campaign that has indoctrinated millions into the belief that their lives don't amount to shit unless they drive themselves into massive debt to pay for a college educations that are increasingly useless, then get married, procreate, and raise their families in big McMansions in the suburbs, miles and miles from their places of employment that they drive to and from daily in their hulking SUVs.

These people are in the process of getting fucked hard. Many of them are my friends, and I feel very, very badly for them. What I think you'll begin to see is more and more people flocking to urban areas. The great baby boom suburbanization of America in reverse, essentially.

More and more people will suddenly and magically tire of the romanticism involved with owning an automobile and embrace the use of public transportation. The thought of having 3000 square feet of living space will also get old very rapidly when it begins to cost more than the mortgage to heat and cool these monstrosities. Suddenly, the thought of living in a 500 square foot one bedroom apartment will become an endearing one to them.
What this will do, of course, is drive up demand for urban housing, which will drive up price by proxy.
Which means current inner city dwellers who may happen to fall on the low end of the socio-economic scale will be forced out. Probably, irony of all fucking ironies, to the suburbs! They'll move into the McMansions abandoned by the yuppies, McMansions that will be perhaps converted into multi-family housing units.
All this gets back to what I said earlier..."fundamentally alter the core of the way we live."
But wait, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
So many of things are going on, going wrong right now, it's almost just a perfect storm of shit. Just off the top of my head...
-For the first time in human history, all the ice on the North Pole has melted.- Large swaths of the breadbasket of this country, and the world, is under water due to the continued flooding of the Mississippi River.
This only exacerbates an already existing global food shortage.
-The Internet, and electronics in general, may be re-wiring the way that our brains work.
-The almost biblical floods taking place along the Mississippi may continue on south, threatening damage similar to that suffered by New Orleans after Katrina on a grand scale.
- Dolphins are committing mass suicides for some reason.
-The threat of war with Iran increases with each passing day.
-Iran is digging thousands of mass graves in preparation.
-The bees are disappearing.
-Certain species of grains and fruit are going extinct.

I could literally go on and on and on with this, but I think you get my drift, which is...THERE'S AN ASSLOAD OF SHIT GOING DOWN RIGHT THIS SECOND...AND I DIDN'T EVEN MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT THE BLACK GUY WHO MAY (hopefully) BE OUR NEXT PRESIDENT!!!
Seriously, I can't think of any time in my life when more change is occurring more rapidly than right now, in this very moment. Can you imagine if you'd been in a coma for the last couple of years and then woke up in the middle of this clusterfuck? You'd be all, "DUDE, what the fuck?!?!?!" Frankly, it scares the shit out of me, but it's oh so shamefully thrilling at the same time.
Drew Magary elaborated a bit on this very subject recently on Deadspin...When Tim Russert died, I learned about it when I was at the gym. They cut out from the US Open coverage and went to a big NBC NEWS SPECIAL REPORT graphic. Then Tom Brokaw showed up on screen, at which point I knew some serious shit was going down. Clearly, Brokaw was there to deliver some sort of tragic news. And, in that moment, I felt an emotion I really should not have felt: a very, very morbid sense of excitement.
It was an absolutely shameful emotion to feel. The guy fucking died. Yet, when something sudden and tragic happens in the world – 9/11, Katrina, the bombings in London, etc. – it’s sometimes impossible to suppress the adrenaline flow and NOT feel a bit energized by the fact that something is HAPPENING – a sordid thrill that you are there live to witness to something of an almost impossible magnitude. You’ll find no shortage of people who will talk to you enthusiastically about where they were when Kennedy was shot, or when 9/11 happened. There’s a sadness to all of those tales, but there’s also a kind of odd pride that emanates, that comes from the storyteller having lived through it. I hate that I sometimes have that feeling deep in the recesses of my mind when tragedy strikes. It’s inappropriate, pathetic, and useless. So why is it there?
Even more, there’s a feeling that, the more history we get to live through, the more we have in common as a population. Even though we do it in separate rooms and houses, we watch massive sporting events like the U.S. Open together.
We watch presidential elections together. We watch horrible news like 9/11 together. And we get to share with each other where we were when it happened, and how we felt. Those moments galvanize us. We call each other when the moment happens. We email. We leave a comment. We give each other our own little, tiny, insignificant view of that history.
It’s a natural byproduct of our ambition, our selfishness, our insecurity, and our curiosity. It’s a way of amplifying our own lives, of placing our lives into a greater context. Alone, we don’t matter. The only way we can feel like we’ve made an impact on the world is if we’re part of a moment that’s woven into the greater social fabric. Because those moments cannot achieve transcendence if no one is there to witness them.
It’s a selfish, arrogant feeling, to want to be a part of history in the making. But it’s a feeling that all of us, at one time or another, share. And that’s what makes it so oddly beautiful.
I second everything that Drew said. So I guess that it goes without saying that I'm thrilled silly to have a front row seat to witness a nation of the verge of political upheaval and economic collapse, a world that teeters on the brink of yet another violent conflict that breeds future generations of jihadists, and a world stricken by natural disasters that could amount to millions of deaths. If you haven't taken the time recently to stop for a minute to take a look around you so that you can take it all in, I suggest doing so now. This is truly a revolutionary time we're living in. So many of the things that we collectively believed to be truths and have held so dear for so long are crumbling at their foundations, while at the same time so many of our worse fears are materializing.
Pay attention. You might just be telling stories about the summer of 2008 to your grand kids one day.
If you need me I will be holed up in the studio painting/drinking my way out of my existential crisis...
Cheers queers!

Lady Liberty's Strap On

A gorgeous emerald green beauty that will kick/fuck your ass.

1 1/2 oz Gin
1 1/2 oz Absinthe
3 - 5 drops green creme de menthe

Coat a martini glass with a few drops of green creme de menthe.
Put six ice cubes into a cocktail shaker and add the liquor.
Shake to chill and strain into the martini glass.

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zeitgeist, particular friend, perky libertine, animated trickster, iconoclast, rabble-rouser, object of worship, provocateur, capricious damp enchantress, idiosyncratic beloved reptile, whimsical saucy booze hound, bellwether, luminary, stoic, pensive illicit paramour, aloof, engaged, intuitive, curious, perplexing deranged mastermind, passionate, lasciviously adored offspring, amorous, sultry flamboyant charioteer, scholar, scribe, exalted thespian, voracious, considerable chieftain, impaired, cynical colleague, dreamer, procrastinator, loathsome glutton, artist, oppressed peasant, dainty heathen, narcissist, self-loathing...renaissance man