Monday, October 1, 2007


This is my first blog and to quote Isabella Rossellini as Lisle von Rhoman from "Death becomes her" - "And NOW a Warning."- I write like Courtney Love- there, I said it, -done and dusted- lets continue shall we? I have just j'dored with my eyes the BBC offering, "Love me, Love my Doll" about men that prefer state of the art love dolls to the company of real women... I read about the company that makes the things years ago in Rapid Eye- Brilliant! I thought at the time- Sex toys for the future!- But as I watched these men ramble on I was questioning their motivation about how they have truly emotional relationships with the dolls. and how they are better than their human counterparts, I started to wonder- are some Men afraid of Women? or Themselves? I was raised was to believe in the equality of the sexes, but did the women's Liberation movement "Do a number" on some guys? Then just as I was soul searching over the Champagne of Beers, along came a barrage of commercials, first a spot with a woman shrewing on about her cat "Tabbs" and how he is "Mr. #1" in her life- even when he has irritable bowel syndrome!- (um, wouldn't he then be "Mr. #2?")- Then a ad for Febreze where the lady cleaning house dons a ski mask and inadvertently freaks out a passing neighbour through the window... breath and count to ten- The last was a Geico commercial using a vintage ad with a bitchy/creepy Chatty Cathy doll. (Does your hand ache for a clawhammer?)

You know, as if by magic, I saw the "Dolls" presentation with strange new eyes- who cares if these guys want to pour their emotions into an inanimate object? -Don't even try it with me missy- one word- Shoes... Hell even I have done it with teddy bears and major diamond jewelery.

And at the end of the day who are we to judge? We are all in a deep state of confusion when it comes to the opposite sex- or the same sex for that matter- The success of our long hours at the gym, plastic surgeon or boutique is attaining the status as an Object- albeit "of desire" yes, of lust, of longing, some-THING that others will covet and want for their very own. Sad? nope. true? yup. Here in the crapitol of the free world, there are thick Sistahs with weaves and bling, Zaftig Colombian women with tight jeans topped with mandatory muffin and bulimic Mid-western social X-rays every where in this town. And THEN there are the Men- oh Bless. The types and sub-types are countless... The six foot one hundred thirty pound gay male with flip flops and de rigeur look of disdain is but an aperitif of the banquet of the Mode-o-day. Do I care- Nope. What does this have to do with the price of a buttered love doll?

Not a thing - except everything.

And in the spirit of The Blog here is a fabulous cocktail to round out the experience!

It's The NEW Jan Brady!

Always the little freckly fuck-up. Who cracked the family portrait cause she wasn't wearing her glasses? Jan. Who was most prone to the measles? Jan. Who almost had Tiger put to sleep because of her allergies? Jan. Who throws a pool party on a cloudless day, then it rains? Oh wait, that was me, but I felt like Jan. Pooor Jaaaaan…Jan tries, she really does. She wants to be sweet and popular and yummy (Godiva Liqueur) but then it all falls to shit.


Rim a chilled tall glass -named George of course-with Anchovy oil (Marcia Marcia Marcia has a book you know)

Fill chilled glass with equal parts Gin and pink lemonade

Drop in a shot glass filled with Godiva Chocolate Liqueur with a dash of JalapeƱo Tabasco

Shout "Its the NEW JAN BRADY!"

Don Black wig (optional)

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zeitgeist, particular friend, perky libertine, animated trickster, iconoclast, rabble-rouser, object of worship, provocateur, capricious damp enchantress, idiosyncratic beloved reptile, whimsical saucy booze hound, bellwether, luminary, stoic, pensive illicit paramour, aloof, engaged, intuitive, curious, perplexing deranged mastermind, passionate, lasciviously adored offspring, amorous, sultry flamboyant charioteer, scholar, scribe, exalted thespian, voracious, considerable chieftain, impaired, cynical colleague, dreamer, procrastinator, loathsome glutton, artist, oppressed peasant, dainty heathen, narcissist, self-loathing...renaissance man