Sunday, October 7, 2007

le coq

Today lets have something a little different, shall we?- a sorbet between courses if you will.
On the not infrequent occasions when someone asks me 'le C, What is the best way to hypnotize a chicken', I always give this advice given to me by a certain swarthy French chicken farmer named - um, Louie... or was it Pierre? No, No, it was Jacques- yes, definitely Jacques -mmmmm... anyway, We had a "Country French moment" once upon a time, and oh, let me just say, the man had a way with le poulet- and the size of his oeufs!- Mon Dieu!
SO- First start by catching a chicken. This is easier said than done. One has to be a bit spry to corner it, and typically grab a leg. The upside down chicken is not a happy chicken, so much flapping and carrying on will occur. Best to use a second hand to upright the bird, and end up holding it with two hands, keeping the wings clamped to its side. Then lower the kind bird to the ground, gently resting it as though it wanted to sit. Now continue to press gently down with one hand, keeping the wings constrained. With your free hand, reach forward in front of its head and draw a line in the dirt, extending from directly in front of its break, straight down its line of sight, about 12 inches. Then gently remote the wing constraining hand. That bird will sit there, staring at the line for many seconds, even a minute or so. It is just fascinated to watch that line. A sudden noise or movement (like the first few bars of "Every Thing's coming up Roses" sung in your best Ethel Merman voice) will startle the bird and it will jump up and run away. Although the bird will be emotionally crippled for life, this activity can provide much amusement for children and adults alike.
(It simply Kills at Bat Mitzvahs!)

You're welcome.
And now a simple drink to enjoy after having ye old fun in the country-
The HeresyouronechanceFancydontletmedown!

In a blender combine:
1/2 canister frozen pink lemonade
Equal amount gin
Equal amount milk
Dash of RC cola
Fill to 3/4 with ice
Blend till frothy
Strain into jelly glass through open toe pump

Enjoy while crying your mascara off.

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zeitgeist, particular friend, perky libertine, animated trickster, iconoclast, rabble-rouser, object of worship, provocateur, capricious damp enchantress, idiosyncratic beloved reptile, whimsical saucy booze hound, bellwether, luminary, stoic, pensive illicit paramour, aloof, engaged, intuitive, curious, perplexing deranged mastermind, passionate, lasciviously adored offspring, amorous, sultry flamboyant charioteer, scholar, scribe, exalted thespian, voracious, considerable chieftain, impaired, cynical colleague, dreamer, procrastinator, loathsome glutton, artist, oppressed peasant, dainty heathen, narcissist, self-loathing...renaissance man