Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Welcome to the stage, "Miss Djinna and her Whoreadorables"

I just recieved a note from The Comtesse D_____, I hear that fey spirit we all adore is going to be in a theatrical production of "The Best little Whorehouse in Texas!" I understand she is to play Ginger, one of Mona's girls, so guess the Comtesse will have to don a red wig (like that'll be a stretch!), a corset, and fishnets. Par for the course, I suppose, but in celebration of her return to the stage, I bring you 69 ways to say "You Whore!"

Abbess, or Lady Abbess: a bawd, or mistress of a brothel.

Athanasian Wench: A forward girl, ready to oblige every man that shall ask her.

Aunt: Mine aunt; a bawd or procuress; a title of eminence for the senior dells.
Balcum Rancum: a hop or dance, where the women are all prostitutes.

Bat: A low whore: so called from moving out like bats in the dusk of evening.

Biter: A wench whose quim is ready to bite her arse: a lascivious, rampant wench.

Blowen: A mistress or whore of a gentleman of the scamp. "The blowen kidded the swell into a snoozing ken, and shook him of his dummee and thimble." transl: the girl inveigled the gentleman into a brothel and robbed him of his pocket book and watch.

Bunter: A low dirty prostitute, half whore and half beggar.

Buttock: a whore.

Buttock Broker: A bawd, or a matchmaker.

Buttock and File: A common whore and a pickpocket.

Buttock and Twang, or Down Buttock and Sham-File: A common whore but no pickpocket.

Cat: Common Prostitute

Cattle: Whores or gypsies.

Coffee House: A necessary house. To make a coffee house of a woman's quim; to go in and out and spend nothing.

Commodity: A woman's commodity: the private parts of a modest woman, and the public parts of a prostitute.

Convenient: A Mistress.

Covent Garden Nun: A Prostitute.

Covey: a collection of whores. "What a find covey hereis, if the devil would but throw his net!" Crack: A Whore.

Crackish: Whorish. Crinkum Crankum: A woman's commoditiy.
Curtizan [sic]: A Prostitute.

Custom House Goods: The stock in trade of a prostitute, because fairly entered.

Cyprian: A Prostitute.

Dells: Young buxom wenches, ripe and prone to venery, but who have not lost their virginity, which the "upright" man claims by virtue of his perogative: After which they become free for any of the fraternity. Also a common strumpet.

Demimondaine: a kept woman; a mistress.

Dishclout: A dirty, greasy woman.

Doxies: She-beggars, wenches, whores.

Drap: A nasty sluttish whore.

Drury Lane Vestal: A woman of the town, or a Prostitute.

Easy Virtue: An impure woman; a Prostitute.

Fen: A bawd or common prostitute.

Fusty Luggs: A beastly, sluttish woman.

Hedgewhore: An itinerent harlot who bilks the bagnios and bawdyhouses by disposing of her favours on the wayside under a hedge. A low, beggerly prostitute.

Hoyden: A romping girl.
Laced Mutton: A Whore.
Madame Ran: A Whore.

Miss: A kept mistress. A Harlot.

Mob, or Mab: A Wench or a Harlot. Monosyllable: A woman's commodity.

Moon-Eyed Hen: A squinting whore.

Mother: A bawd.

Mrs. Warren: see WHORE

Public Ledger: A prostitute, because like that paper, she is open to all parties.
Quean : A disreputable woman; a prostitute.

Queer Mort: A diseased strumpet.

Rantipole: A rude romping boy or girl; also a gadabout, dissipated woman. To ride rantipole; the same as riding St. George. See RIDING St. GEORGE. Also see WHORE.

Receiver General: A Prostitute.

Relish: Carnal connexion with a woman.

Riding St. George: The Woman uppermost in the amourous congress, that is, the dragon upon St. George. This is said to be the way to get a bishop.

Roger: To bull or lie with a woman; from the name of Roger being frequently given to a bull. Romp: A forward wanton girl; a tomrig. See HOYDEN.

Scab: A worthless man or woman. Also see WHORE.

Scotch Warming Pan: A Wench; also a Fart.

To Screw: To copulate. A Female Screw: A common Prostitute.

Slattern: A woman sluttishly negligent in her dress.

Slut: A lewd or dissolute woman; a Prostitute.

Strumpet: A harlot.

Tart: pie, pastry, turnover, puff, Danish Pastry, French Pastry, Patisserie; Quiche, strudel, baklava, blintz, ├ęclaire. Also a saucy whore.

Tomboy: A romping girl, who prefers the amusements used by boys to those of her own sex. Town: A woman of the town: a prostitute.

Trapes: A slatternly woman, a careless sluttish woman.

Trollop: An unkempt, slovenly, low whore.

Trull: A ghostly monster, boor, lout, blockhead. A prostitute or mistress.

Trumpery: An old whore; or goods of no value.

Unfortunate Women: Prostitutes: so termed by the virtuous and compassionate of their own sex.

Wasp: An infected prostitute, who like a wasp carries a sting in her tail.

Whore!: Uh- DUH!...
Thirsty Grizelda?
The Razzle-Dazzle!
This recipe appears in Chapter 3 of Gore Vidal's novel "1876". It is therein described as "a perfectly terrifying cocktail", a "deadly concoction".
1 part brandy
1 part absinthe herbal liqueur
1 part ginger ale
Pour equal parts brandy, absinthe, and ginger ale into a frozen glass.
Hang on for dear life.

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zeitgeist, particular friend, perky libertine, animated trickster, iconoclast, rabble-rouser, object of worship, provocateur, capricious damp enchantress, idiosyncratic beloved reptile, whimsical saucy booze hound, bellwether, luminary, stoic, pensive illicit paramour, aloof, engaged, intuitive, curious, perplexing deranged mastermind, passionate, lasciviously adored offspring, amorous, sultry flamboyant charioteer, scholar, scribe, exalted thespian, voracious, considerable chieftain, impaired, cynical colleague, dreamer, procrastinator, loathsome glutton, artist, oppressed peasant, dainty heathen, narcissist, self-loathing...renaissance man