Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Jesus and I want to poke around in your drawers...

Hmm- As I sit here perched like a dainty pterodactyl at my Louis le 14ème bureau, lost in the yellow explosion of a huge bouquet of daffodils Monsieur Moose gave me before popping over to London, I realize that it is almost time for the Easter thing!
I always loved the childhood stories about how every Easter Jesus rises from the dead and lays eggs for good little children- or something like that. -Oh wait! Or is that the one about the second coming? No matter, whatever. Mother always said when Jesus comes back he is bringing his lawyer, But I hope when Jesus comes back it's like Ash in "Army of Darkness" - with the "boomstick" arm or the chainsaw- um, yeah, and everything. Yeah, that would be cool.
So anyway, On a different subject, I simply love the meme tag phenomenon so friggin' much that I've decided to start my very own. Actually I am following up on a tag from my deah Evnissyen, the genius over at "Lover of Strife"

It's simple, but it could be enlightening and/or lead to nostalgic feelings. (Or that certain uneasy feeling that leads to vomiting and seeking out therapy then Jager bombs and more vomiting- ah, sing along! "The Circle of Wretch!")
Open up your desk drawer.
Rummage about.
List Twenty things you find there: (Evn wanted 10, but my drawers are soooo interesting...
Well to start- upon opening the drawer, I am met with the subtle scents of Clove, Nag Champa, Patchouli and a smidge of L'Instant de Guerlain pour homme, I momentarily wonder if a Goth Teenager from France has been living in my drawer, but shaking it off and carrying on, here is what I find in one of my caisson: )

1. A handful of large Austrian crystals from various couture gowns I have known intimately.

2. A lone gaily wrapped non- impertinent chocolate bon bon from Brussels- from my sweet-ish Monsieur Moose no doubt. (I eat it.)

3. A 60 ml tube of "Rosso di Cadmio scuro" oil paint. -I think it means "Skittish Whore Red" in Italian.

4. Four Cd's bound with a blue rubber band- Nana Mouskouri "Canta canciones populares griegas", Brian Eno / David Byrne's "My Life in the Bush of Ghosts", Disney's "Snow White" soundtrack and Peggy Lee's "1954 Selections from Irving Berlin's 'White Christmas" (w/ Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye) yah- she's a regular raconteur that Peggy.
.
5. A tube of Hello Kitty toothpaste- Rainbow flavour. ( I taste it.)

6. A WWII Nazi Reichsmarine / Kriegsmarine Issue Mauser Pistol. Um- yeah, probably belongs to the maid...

7. An engaging little ivory Netsuke figure of an octopus fucking a woman. (A 7th birthday prezzie from my Grandmother.)

8. A "Hand of Glory" with a unusual Victorian bird claw brooch studded with yellow topaz stuck in its palm. For some reason.

9. A neatly pinned together assemblage of forgotten fabric swatches, ranging from execrable hot pink toile to irksome glazed chintz and odious brown velvet paisleys- one marked "LUSH-I-OUS!" written with a green Sharpie on a post-it.

10. A package of Metamucil cookies. (I eat them.)

11. A yellow cloth tape measure- mysteriously cut off at 16 inches- decidedly from my optimistic yet Pollyanna-ish youth.

12. A Champagne cork from a questionable vintage with a disturbingly earthy odor.

13. A lovely "TIKI" ashtray of oriental manufacture, where those who have the heart for it may flick their ashes into the stretched gaping mouth of a perpetually wanting native with coconut hair and dead, bulging glass eyes. (a wedding gift.)
.
14. A book "The Pope Encyclopedia- An A to Z of the Holy See!" with a "30 Seconds to Mars " sticker in it as a bookmark.
(If you loved "The Shining", this video is for you-) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PIjpIudgaI&feature=related

15. An absolute tangle of I-pod's and charger type things.

16. A small but very important first class reliquary with the relic of St. Catherine Laboure -with a Mentos stuck to it. (I don't eat it.)

17. A quite salty boudoir photo of Monsieur Moose.

18. Oh yes, form follows function- see #17... A open box of "Magnum" Condoms- yes possums...

19. A small stuffed dog -that farts when squeezed -with a Cartier "Love" bracelet around it's neck.

20. Ovaltine.

Well well well well well...
I suppose I have done my part- such madcap frivolity I say!
Cheers to my dears-
Jager Bombe'
______________________________________________________________
This version of the Jager bomb makes you feel like a big mean queer dude. 4 realz. So much more big bull faggot - ish!
(The Jager Bomb is originally a mixture of Red Bull energy drink and Jagermeister, both being popular products, although it's increasingly common for other energy drinks to be substituted for the RB. The caffeine-alcohol combination creates a unique "high" or at the very least, a counteract to the depressant of alcohol - making you more aware, more energetic, and more active- and whats more fun than a big scary wide awake drunk? Hmmmm????)
1 can TAB energy drink -the girly pink shit.
1 shot Jagermeister
1 shot Vodka
1 shot Whiskey
1 shot Gin
Pour le TAB into a medium sized glass. Something nice. Something Crystal. Maybe something French for Christs sake. Add a shot glass of Jagermeister, Vodka, Gin and Whiskey and chug.
Get a room!

1 comment:

Anne Johnson said...

Ditch that girly pink TaB. It's a pinko plot. Go try to find the real stuff, Classic TaB, which comes in regular-sized cans and tastes like Coke and cat pee. Classic TaB has the same punch as the pink stuff, or more because the can is bigger. I drink it straight, no chaser. Well, maybe a Xanax chaser if I've done three cans in a day.

Blog Archive

About Me

My photo
zeitgeist, particular friend, perky libertine, animated trickster, iconoclast, rabble-rouser, object of worship, provocateur, capricious damp enchantress, idiosyncratic beloved reptile, whimsical saucy booze hound, bellwether, luminary, stoic, pensive illicit paramour, aloof, engaged, intuitive, curious, perplexing deranged mastermind, passionate, lasciviously adored offspring, amorous, sultry flamboyant charioteer, scholar, scribe, exalted thespian, voracious, considerable chieftain, impaired, cynical colleague, dreamer, procrastinator, loathsome glutton, artist, oppressed peasant, dainty heathen, narcissist, self-loathing...renaissance man