Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Jesus and I want to poke around in your drawers...

Hmm- As I sit here perched like a dainty pterodactyl at my Louis le 14ème bureau, lost in the yellow explosion of a huge bouquet of daffodils Monsieur Moose gave me before popping over to London, I realize that it is almost time for the Easter thing!
I always loved the childhood stories about how every Easter Jesus rises from the dead and lays eggs for good little children- or something like that. -Oh wait! Or is that the one about the second coming? No matter, whatever. Mother always said when Jesus comes back he is bringing his lawyer, But I hope when Jesus comes back it's like Ash in "Army of Darkness" - with the "boomstick" arm or the chainsaw- um, yeah, and everything. Yeah, that would be cool.
So anyway, On a different subject, I simply love the meme tag phenomenon so friggin' much that I've decided to start my very own. Actually I am following up on a tag from my deah Evnissyen, the genius over at "Lover of Strife"

It's simple, but it could be enlightening and/or lead to nostalgic feelings. (Or that certain uneasy feeling that leads to vomiting and seeking out therapy then Jager bombs and more vomiting- ah, sing along! "The Circle of Wretch!")
Open up your desk drawer.
Rummage about.
List Twenty things you find there: (Evn wanted 10, but my drawers are soooo interesting...
Well to start- upon opening the drawer, I am met with the subtle scents of Clove, Nag Champa, Patchouli and a smidge of L'Instant de Guerlain pour homme, I momentarily wonder if a Goth Teenager from France has been living in my drawer, but shaking it off and carrying on, here is what I find in one of my caisson: )

1. A handful of large Austrian crystals from various couture gowns I have known intimately.

2. A lone gaily wrapped non- impertinent chocolate bon bon from Brussels- from my sweet-ish Monsieur Moose no doubt. (I eat it.)

3. A 60 ml tube of "Rosso di Cadmio scuro" oil paint. -I think it means "Skittish Whore Red" in Italian.

4. Four Cd's bound with a blue rubber band- Nana Mouskouri "Canta canciones populares griegas", Brian Eno / David Byrne's "My Life in the Bush of Ghosts", Disney's "Snow White" soundtrack and Peggy Lee's "1954 Selections from Irving Berlin's 'White Christmas" (w/ Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye) yah- she's a regular raconteur that Peggy.
5. A tube of Hello Kitty toothpaste- Rainbow flavour. ( I taste it.)

6. A WWII Nazi Reichsmarine / Kriegsmarine Issue Mauser Pistol. Um- yeah, probably belongs to the maid...

7. An engaging little ivory Netsuke figure of an octopus fucking a woman. (A 7th birthday prezzie from my Grandmother.)

8. A "Hand of Glory" with a unusual Victorian bird claw brooch studded with yellow topaz stuck in its palm. For some reason.

9. A neatly pinned together assemblage of forgotten fabric swatches, ranging from execrable hot pink toile to irksome glazed chintz and odious brown velvet paisleys- one marked "LUSH-I-OUS!" written with a green Sharpie on a post-it.

10. A package of Metamucil cookies. (I eat them.)

11. A yellow cloth tape measure- mysteriously cut off at 16 inches- decidedly from my optimistic yet Pollyanna-ish youth.

12. A Champagne cork from a questionable vintage with a disturbingly earthy odor.

13. A lovely "TIKI" ashtray of oriental manufacture, where those who have the heart for it may flick their ashes into the stretched gaping mouth of a perpetually wanting native with coconut hair and dead, bulging glass eyes. (a wedding gift.)
14. A book "The Pope Encyclopedia- An A to Z of the Holy See!" with a "30 Seconds to Mars " sticker in it as a bookmark.
(If you loved "The Shining", this video is for you-) -

15. An absolute tangle of I-pod's and charger type things.

16. A small but very important first class reliquary with the relic of St. Catherine Laboure -with a Mentos stuck to it. (I don't eat it.)

17. A quite salty boudoir photo of Monsieur Moose.

18. Oh yes, form follows function- see #17... A open box of "Magnum" Condoms- yes possums...

19. A small stuffed dog -that farts when squeezed -with a Cartier "Love" bracelet around it's neck.

20. Ovaltine.

Well well well well well...
I suppose I have done my part- such madcap frivolity I say!
Cheers to my dears-
Jager Bombe'
This version of the Jager bomb makes you feel like a big mean queer dude. 4 realz. So much more big bull faggot - ish!
(The Jager Bomb is originally a mixture of Red Bull energy drink and Jagermeister, both being popular products, although it's increasingly common for other energy drinks to be substituted for the RB. The caffeine-alcohol combination creates a unique "high" or at the very least, a counteract to the depressant of alcohol - making you more aware, more energetic, and more active- and whats more fun than a big scary wide awake drunk? Hmmmm????)
1 can TAB energy drink -the girly pink shit.
1 shot Jagermeister
1 shot Vodka
1 shot Whiskey
1 shot Gin
Pour le TAB into a medium sized glass. Something nice. Something Crystal. Maybe something French for Christs sake. Add a shot glass of Jagermeister, Vodka, Gin and Whiskey and chug.
Get a room!

1 comment:

Anne Johnson said...

Ditch that girly pink TaB. It's a pinko plot. Go try to find the real stuff, Classic TaB, which comes in regular-sized cans and tastes like Coke and cat pee. Classic TaB has the same punch as the pink stuff, or more because the can is bigger. I drink it straight, no chaser. Well, maybe a Xanax chaser if I've done three cans in a day.

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