Friday, October 17, 2008

Witches Hanky Code

Here comes Halloween (or Hallowe’en or All Hallows' Even or Samhain or Oogie Boogie Night) and with it come one of the most American of customs, The Halloween TV specials! For my fav it's hard to discount "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" but I think my all time favorite is the 1970's The Paul Lynde Halloween Special, starring Uncle Arthur and a galaxy of stars—including Margaret Hamilton in full Wicked Witch of the West garb, Billie "Witchiepoo" Hayes...and KISS!!!
But back to matters at hand, It is my belief that today's Modern Witch needs to have some kind of visual signal to identify themselves to each other for possible compatibility of paths and personal styles -kinda like the old gay hanky code -don't you think? I therefore submit this new hanky code for your consideration- you're welcome.

Kente Cloth
Type: Voodooist
Drug of Choice: Whatever the Loa want
Music of Choice: Drums Baby, DRUMS

Black denim
Type: Wiccabilly
Drug of Choice: Salvia, Cheese (the drug)
Music of Choice: Guitar played by friends while panhandling

Tea dyed "Sustainable" fabric swatch
Type: Certified "Organic" Greenwitch
Drug of Choice: Homegrown 420
Music of Choice: "Whalesong"

Bounty Paper Towel
Type: Hearthwitch
Drug of Choice: Huffing sage sticks, Fresca on panty shield
Music of Choice: The Butchies, Tribe 8, Indigo girls. Melissa Etheridge, Holly Near, K.D. Lang, Ani Defranco

Black Patent Leather
Type: Fetish Witch
Drug of Choice: Speed
Music of Choice: Early Hole, Lords of Acid, Mission, NIN, Skinny Puppy, Orgy

Cheese Cloth, Tulle or Chiffon
Type: Wispy Feri Witch
Drug of Choice: Glitter, Shrooms, Girlie Drinks (four at a time- one for them, the Star Goddess, and the two divine twins,)
Music of Choice: Kerli Kõiv, Cocteau Twins, Dead Can Dance, Kate Bush or any female leads with breathy, ethereal voices.

Bugle Beaded Organdy (shredded) wrapped around Tesla Coil
Type: Steampunk Witch
Drug of Choice: "Alphabet drugs", G, K, T, X, etc.
Music of Choice: The Clockwork Quartet, Thomas Truax, Abney Park and Vernian Process

Type: Drag Witch
Drug of Choice: amyl nitrate, whippets, poppers
Music of Choice: Scissor Sisters. Obital's "Halcyon" or anything with a wailing black songstress set to a disco beat

Black Cloth with Smiley Face
Type: Perky/Raver witch
Drug of Choice: X, Shrooms 'n Acid
Music of Choice: The Orb, German techno and post 1990 Cure

Black Leather with silver spikes and silver upholstery nubbins for lining
Type: Neo-pagan Punk Witch
Drug of Choice: Heroin
Music of Choice: Suicidal Tendencies, Black Flag, etc. (there will inevitably be a retro tendency within the genre)

Dark Green plaid
Type: Silicon Valley Techno Nerd Witch
Drug of Choice: Caffeine, Speed
Music of Choice: Post 80's Gary Numan, 80's New Wave, 30 seconds to Mars, possibly Hip-Hop

Red and White Gingham
Type: Appalachian Mountain Witch
Drug of Choice: Moonshine
Music of Choice: Patsy Cline and Tanya Tucker played backwards

Perfumed Ruffled Lace
Type: 19th Century Gothic Witch
Drug of Choice: Absinthe, Laudanum, Mercury
Music of Choice: Baroque & Romantic (Chopin's Nocturnes & Mozart's Requiem or any tragic opera aria- Puccini for days )

Black Velvet
Type: Romanti-Stregherian Witch
Drug of Choice: "I don't do drugs, I am drugs"
Music of Choice: Death in June, Miranda Sex Garden, Rasputina

Chain Mail
Type: Medieval Witch
Drug of Choice: Hippocras, Meade, Blood of Foes and/or the innocents.
Music of Choice: Gregorian Chants, Ministry, Enigma, Hildegard of Bingen

Red Crushed Velvet
Type: Vampire Witch
Drug of Choice: Heroin, Eyeliner shot intravenously
Music of Choice: Bauhaus, Sisters of Mercy, The Mission, The Hunger soundtrack, Fields of the Nephilim, Marilyn Manson

Wine Stained Linen
Type: Tragic Poet Witch
Drug of Choice: Opium & Laudanum, Absinthe
Music of Choice: Patty Smith, Lydia Lunch & Nick Cave, Bowie doing Brecht's "Baal"

Jet Lamé
Type: Dramawitch
Drug of Choice: Cheap Chablis and Monologues
Music of Choice: Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, Diamanda Galas, Aria (just the first CD)

Tattered Black Funeral Satin
Type: Necro Goth Witch
Drug of Choice: Embalming fluid, Valium, Seconal, & Morphine
Music of Choice: Mozart's Requiem, Bauhaus

Dark Wine colored Brocade with Teardrop Stains
Type: "Scene Queen" Witch
Drug of Choice: Whatever is "on the house."
Music of Choice: Only when she knows the band members personally or classical music she remembers from when she was royalty in a past life.

Plain Black Leather
Type: S&M Witch
Drug of Choice: Pain is the only drug
Music of Choice: The sound of flesh being whipped and the cry of the tortured.

Whatever damn color EXCEPT Black
Type: Wiccanarchist
Drug of Choice: Snakebites, mulled wine, SOMA and anything pink & girlie and drinks that smell like suntan lotion
Music of Choice: Ultra-Lounge or Bobby Vinton and/or Darrin

I admit in my youth I was the "Neo-pagan Punk Witch" type, but I never could get into Heroin, I hate to cook...

Now a little Shakespeare (or Francis Bacon, Christopher Marlowe, and Edward de Vere, the Earl of Oxford etc.)

First Witch Thrice the brinded cat hath mewed.

Second Witch Thrice and once the hedge-pig whined.

Third Witch Harpier cries

"Tis time, 'tis time."First Witch Round about the cauldron go;
In the poisoned entrails throw.
Toad, that under cold stone
Days and nights has thirty-one
Sweltered venom sleeping got,
Boil thou first i' the charmed pot.
All Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
Second Witch Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
All Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble
Third Witch Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches' mummy, maw and gulf
Of the ravined salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digged in' the dark
Liver of blaspheming Jew,
Gall of goat, and slips of yew
Silvered in the moon's eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tartar's lips,
Finger of birth-strangled babe
Ditch-delivered by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab:
Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
For the ingredients of our cauldron.
All Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Second Witch Cool it with a baboon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.

Wasn't that nice? How about a little

Witch's Brew!

(Can be made with minimum amount of toil and trouble for those unexpected guests )

1 oz dark rum

1 oz Blended whiskey

1 oz amaretto almond liqueur

1 tsp. honey (love those blessed bees)

Add ingredients over ice, liquors first, and stir

Now sing along to Bauhaus with a clip from "Night of the Demons!" - (A total cheese-fest of a movie but I think Angela's dance made more than one male witch spontaneously go through puberty...)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Happy Hallowe'en you naughty Pickle

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