Thursday, March 26, 2009

pie a la démodé

Some of the things I have learned this week: There is no crying in Modeling, Baseball, Porn or Tap dancing- A very close friend thinks a 401k is a very long marathon- Like Eleanor Roosevelt, I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. (But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall') - If I wear vanilla scented lotion, I smell like a rice crispy treat- Karl Lagerfeld Entourage Update: Brad Koenig is out. Model Baptiste Giabiconi is in- Even if I buy Prada (the good stuff from Milan, AKA The European epicenter of the fashion universe) I look like I have shopped in a thrift store.
I do admit, I go to thrift stores a lot, (something I'm afraid you may find demode) -it's something my Mother is not very happy with- "All those other people's germs! How can you stand it?"- I've never really been a germophobe about it. Perhaps I'll incorporate a germ mask into tomorrow morning's outfit though, something with a Darth Vader vibe, perhaps?
Now, speaking of fashion, here is a little story told to me by ZaZa, my personal shopper at Sak's...
The continuing story of Karl Bear; a children's story:
Once upon a time there was a bear in a far off land called "The Garment District" named Karl bear.
The time was right now, this instant, because Karl bear did not like the past, as he told journalists in his 18th century mansion. He only liked the "now", so the "time" in in the "once upon a time" is "now". Right now. Even thought this is written in past tense, it is still "now". As you read this book. The "now", hmm?
Karl bear hopes your hands have leather, fingerless gloves on them (Karl bear does not have any because bears have no fingers).
So anyway, one day Karl bear was out for a walk where he was mobbed by some démodé paparazzi. He said to them: You a very boring, go away." Karl does not like boring things. The paparazzi said, in unison because paparazzi are just grown-up choir boys: "Please sir, can we have a picture?"
"Oh fine, just one, hmm?" Karl bear said sternly, as he dreamt up a Chanel nose picker for the hairs in the noses of very démodé people.
Karl bear didn't really know why he was doing this, because a bear is not a person; although some person from PETA is very likely to say "bears are people too!", and with this he inhaled the irony of the previous few sentences most satisfyingly.
He continued his walk until he met Anna bear, who said: "Karl darhling, some more cognac."
"You are drunk, mm?" said Karl bear."I'm just going to pick out the new cover for Vogue. We're do- doinggg, DOOinggggg, oooo, dooooinnnggggg."
"This is very boring, Anna. I know you're not really drunk and just pretending to in order to appear more human (as opposed to the near-anamorphic entity that you are)." Karl said.
Anna looked a little sad, and decided to fire someone as this always warmed her ice-cold heart.
"ANDRE YOU FRICKIN MORON YOU SAID 100% ALCOHOL WOULD GET ME DRUNK" Anna bear exclaimed, as Andre bear, a rather portly bear who looked like a certain blind soul singer when he had dark glasses on, came waddling out. And then Anna glared at poor Andre bear as his stuffing was burnt.
"Oh, he is not poor, hmm?" Karl bear said somehow reading the book because he's that clever- "Andre is very démodé and boring" Then Karl went off to a dinner that was being held by his friend Alber bear, a stylish but slightly plump bear."This is very boring." said Karl bear. "I do not eat".
So Karl bear decided to design another Chanel collection and teach his daughter, Jane bear, how to say "démodé" right. He felt an uncommon sense of pride when she got it right and was rather worried. It was scary- all these "emotions".
Then Yves bear came in through the door, back from the dead and looking adorably mopey in that way that attracted a thousand women to his clothes. "Hello Karl."
"Hello Yves. You are dead, no?"
"Yes, I am sad."
"This story needs a moral, I think, hmmm?" said Karl bear.
"Hmmm" said everyone.
"Okay. How about don't wear traffic cones of your head when driving, or while eating pie, hmm?"
"Very chic" said Alber.
"I am now bored." said Karl bear.
The Sundance Lift
(To be served at every Sundance event)
1 oz Le Tourment Vert
1 oz tonic water
1 oz 7-Up® soda
2 lemon wedges
Build all ingredients in a tall glass filled with ice. Squeeze the 2 lemon wedges. Garnish with a lemon. (May be served with pie)

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zeitgeist, particular friend, perky libertine, animated trickster, iconoclast, rabble-rouser, object of worship, provocateur, capricious damp enchantress, idiosyncratic beloved reptile, whimsical saucy booze hound, bellwether, luminary, stoic, pensive illicit paramour, aloof, engaged, intuitive, curious, perplexing deranged mastermind, passionate, lasciviously adored offspring, amorous, sultry flamboyant charioteer, scholar, scribe, exalted thespian, voracious, considerable chieftain, impaired, cynical colleague, dreamer, procrastinator, loathsome glutton, artist, oppressed peasant, dainty heathen, narcissist, self-loathing...renaissance man