Wednesday, May 6, 2009

King Urinal

A few barbs from the Bard to temper a sleepy Spring afternoon.....

You Banbury cheese.~Merry Wives of Windsor
What hempen homespun have we swaggering here?~A Midsummer Night's Dream
Vile worm, you were overlooked even in thy birth.~The Merry Wives of Windsor
Teeth hadst thou in thy head when thou wast born to signify thou came to bite the world.~Henry VI Part 3
I had rather be married to a deaths head with a bone in his mouth.~Merchant of Venice
You egg, you fry of treachery.~Macbeth
King Urinal.... ~Merry Wives of Windsor
He's a disease that must be cut away.~Coriolanus
An index and obscure prologue to the history of lust and foul thoughts.~Othello
If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt.~The Two Gentlemen of Verona
A huge translation of hypocrisy, vilely compiled, profound simplicity.~Love's Labour Lost
You should be women and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so.~Macbeth
Thou didst drink the stale of horses and the guilded puddle which beasts would cough at.~Antony and Cleopatra
Boils and plagues plaster you over, that you may be abhorred farther than seen and one infect another against the wind a mile. You souls of geese that bear the shapes of men.~Coriolanus
In their thick breaths, rank of gross diet, shall be enclouded, and forc'd to drink their vapour.~Antony and Cleopatra
Your beards deserve not so honourable a grave as to stuff a botcher's cushion or to be entombed in as ass's pack saddle.~Coriolanus
The terror of the French, the scarecrow that affrights our children so.~Henry VI Part 1
More of your conversation would infect my brain.~Coriolanus
She's the kitchen wench, and all grease ; and I know not what use to put her but to make a lamp of her and run her from her own light. I warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a Poland winter. If she lives till doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.~The Comedy of Errors
Her complexion is like Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean kept, for why, she sweats, a man may go over shoes in the grime of it. ~The Comedy of Errors
His kisses are Judas's own children.~As You Like It
You lisp and wear strange suits.~As You Like It
He's a disease that must be cut away.~Coriolanus
Where will thou find a cavern dark enough to mask thy monstrous visage. Your purpled hands do reek and smoke. You showed your teeth like apes, and fawned like hounds and bowed like bondmen. I do find it cowardly and vile.~Julius Caesar
You are the must chaff, and you are smelt above the moon.~Coriolanus
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes, when he walks he moves like an engine and the ground shrinks before his treading.~Coriolanus
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.~Macbeth
He hath out-villiain'd villainy so far that the rarity redeems him.~All's Well that Ends Well
And in his brain which is as dry as the remainder biscuit after a voyage, he hath strange places.~As You Like It
Say wall eyed slave, whither wouldst thou convey this growing image of thy fiend like face.~Titus Andronicus
All that is within him does condemn itself for being there.~Macbeth
Thy bones are hollow, impiety has made a feast of thee.~Measure for Measure
False of heart, light of ear, bloody of hand, hog in sloth, fox in stealth, wolf in greediness, dog in madness, lion in prey.~King Lear
He that depends upon your favours swims with fins of lead, and hews down oaks with rushes.~Coriolanus
Toads, beetles, bats, light on you.~The Tempest
A monster, a very monster in apparel.~The Taming of the Shrew
Where will thou find a cavern dark enough to mask thy monstrous visage.~Julius Caesa
Not shaped for sportive tricks, nor made to court an amorous looking glass.~Richard III
You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness.~Much Ado About Nothing
Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.~King Lear
I do wish thou were a dog, that I might love thee somthing.~Timon of Athens

Lady Macbeth
1/2 oz vodka
1/2 oz Southern Comfort® peach liqueur
1/2 oz amaretto almond liqueur
1/2 oz triple sec
1/2 oz sloe gin
1/2 oz lime juice
orange juice
Pour all ingredients (except orange juice) into an ice-filled collins glass. Fill with orange juice, and serve.

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zeitgeist, particular friend, perky libertine, animated trickster, iconoclast, rabble-rouser, object of worship, provocateur, capricious damp enchantress, idiosyncratic beloved reptile, whimsical saucy booze hound, bellwether, luminary, stoic, pensive illicit paramour, aloof, engaged, intuitive, curious, perplexing deranged mastermind, passionate, lasciviously adored offspring, amorous, sultry flamboyant charioteer, scholar, scribe, exalted thespian, voracious, considerable chieftain, impaired, cynical colleague, dreamer, procrastinator, loathsome glutton, artist, oppressed peasant, dainty heathen, narcissist, self-loathing...renaissance man