Exclaiming "Mein schatz!" after tasting Halen Mon Taha's Vanilla sea salt for the first time, I was convinced the perfect girl for me was Irona, Richie Rich's robot maid.
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Using hubris sparingly while turning the soil in my flower garden of love
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After a long evening spent watching "Gossip Girl" and drinking girly drinks with his gays, my friend Jason Hiqury was a little embarrassed at his alcohol fueled erectile dysfunction. He had a good laugh however as "Hiqury Daiquiri Dick" seemed like a great - If some what dyslexic- name for a nursery rhyme.
.This afternoon, as I tried to fend off the crazed feral cat that had attacked me in the alley, I heard the neighborhood ice cream truck making its rounds. As I feverishly beat the cat with a stick to remove it and it's fangs from my calf, I noticed the truck, that usually plays "Camp-town Races", now plays the theme from "Love Story".... In a bitterly ironic twist, the doctor only had Hello Kitty Band-aids.
.Overheard during a Titanium lift facial at the Chantecaille Energy Spa at Barneys New York: "I'm sooo worried about Yasmin Khan, her uterus is leaking." One can only hope Yasmin Khan is a poodle.
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Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
.While walking through a cemetery today, I spied what appeared to be a note on top of the tombstone of someone recently interred, with a small stone to secure it from being blown away. Being naturally curious, I looked at the note- It was a recent parking ticket belonging to the deceased.
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A bird in the hand is just a nice way of saying someone is flipping you off.
.Today I sent myself a letter. Not really a letter, more of a contingency plan of what to do in the event of waking up one morning a member of the aristocracy. Well it's not really a contingency plan, it's more or less a list of the required jewelry.
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"Delicate bodies that decay beneath their clothing play cards in an empty house in Paris as the wreckage of our hero lies broken in the corner but everyone pretends he likes to live that way." -Best lyrics ever?
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I think they're sisters. It's like Little Women with chunky knits and styrofoam coffee cups. The one with the lazy eye is totally Jo. And "Laurie" Laurence, the charming, playful, and rich young teenager next door neighbor is one of her students - who in reality is an Emo with a thing for Milf's.
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Never combine spiced rum and white chocolate, they are enemies, and it's really gay. Like Disney's Fantasia (The Pastoral Symphony part with cupid showing the pegasi it's butt) gay.
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Some days are like being in a bubble bath full of glow in the dark rubber duckies with all the lights off- mildly amusing, better after a few drinks and always sound a little disturbing when described to your friends.
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Overheard in line at Target....
Girl #1: "Well my boyfriend criteria is this, Smart, Cute, Funny, will watch scary movies with me and did not pick Charmander as first Pokemon..."
Girl #2. "Entia non multiplicanda praeter necessitatem."
Girl #1. "Yeah, totally...."
Girl #2. " You want Przewalski's horse while you are at it?"
Girl #1 "No but I do want a Reecy PBC."
Girl #2. "Reecy PBC?"
Girl #1. "Reece's Peanut Butter Cup"
Girl #2. "Oh... that's a pretty vague reference Amber..."
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Note found written in crayon: Dear Summer-time, I want you to be my white slave zombie. The last thing you will eat is a stinkin' cupcake made with poison ivy. Every time you are a horse I am a lion. Grr.. Bye. Kill you later. Your enemy, Winter-time
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I live in constant fear of falling asleep in front of the Television only to wake up to The Bernie Mac Show.
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Postsynaptic potential? Yup I'm for it.
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In the middle of the fifth playing of "Limbo Rock" I had the personal epiphany that although all the limbo boys and girls all around the limbo world are not entitled to government provided heath care, it would certainly be a nice gesture on the governments part.
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Costume idea: Dress as a giant lab rat with a cardboard sign that says "Will press lever for food"
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Best accidental display ever: A clearly marked cardboard kiosk formally used for display of "There will be Blood" DVDs with copies of "Bambi II" in it instead.
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Cheers.
Fantasia
2 oz Grey Goose® L'Orange vodka
2 oz Barenjager® honey liqueur
thinly sliced orange
Pour both ingredients into a shaker. Strain and pour into a highball glass and garnish with an orange slice.
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