Friday, September 18, 2009

A little nunsense, now and then,

My, my my. Here we are in the Atlantic Northeast again. I am currently at the cunning cottage in the Summer Colony we call "The Framptons" (because of it's frequent inhabitant, You-know-Who) sitting in the "Robespierre Room" so name for the clever decor, the French furnishings with a portrait above the mantle of the rooms namesake. The most interesting touch are the silver silk draperies with valances shaped like the blades of a guillotine- complete with a blood red border on the edge- smashing idea in my opinion, anyway, I am here to celebrate the birthday of a beloved friend, Rosé who turns eighty this year, though you would never know it the way she carries on.

As I strut and fret about what to wear and if Fidelia can iron french cuffs properly in time, I put a 78 on the gramophone of "Kitten on the keys" and await the arrival of all the handsome men shaped to be easily annoyed in their blazers the blue of a spring midnight and their honey colored and diamante covered wives that will begin in a few hours, and although the season officially ended on Labor day, we all gather around from near and far on this important day to have, as Rosé puts it "One last toot."

I spent the day on a friends boat, the "Sally Forth", with Mr. Moose and an old friend of the family, Sister Taffy, a SSND nun, jaunting down to Fire Island and back, to take in the air and get the rest of the Summer dish I have missed out on. I decided to record the entire conversation in case the champagne and the sea air gave me amnesia later.
Here are a few of the highlights:
"I'm going to go look at the chandelier."
"I didn't give birth to anything. I was under pressure."
"I'm working on my alcoholism. I'll just have a glass"
"Waking up the next morning can make you a coward again."
"How's my hair?"
"So she says, 'I will use every astrological barb to destroy the 16-year-old übergoth who doesn't think I'm cool."
"They go on Egypt binges."
"I don't want to go home with the hiccups. They're very revealing."
"You don't have to mention that nothing else happened but this."
"I want to buy a mess of pumpkin seeds."
"Having the hiccups is a lot like premature ejaculation. It's not a complete act."
"It's very easy to impress neophytes."
"Tongue in cheek. That's what we like."
"We might as well exploit ourselves over and over again."
"We have inexhaustible material."
"Just remind me a lot."
And then we had a conversation with a well-groomed boy, who wanted Angelina's number, about Giotto and the whole extinction of pandas thing.
"It [my bladder] just has a small capacity."
"This will redeem you. You've had Rick James come onto you. You MUST enrapture Clive Barker."
"We're just wrong."
"Sick and wrong."
"We need awards."
"I thought you said we needed more champagne."
"We don't take ourselves seriously. We deserve everything."
"Yes, there are many different ways to combine words."
"Fallopian Testimonies"
"Follicular Marmalade"
"Everyone flirts with you."
"It's because I don't care,"
"It's because you look good in a bar."
"I used to think you looked like Jesus when your hair was long."
"I wish men could wear wimples."
"He's just a little off. It might be drugs."
"Who? Oh whatshisname, but he looks great."
"What ever happened to wimples?"
"I agree, the portrayals of Jesus during the Renaissance were rather sexy."
"Is that's why nuns used to go into ecstasies at the drop of a hat?"
"Is that a pterodactyl or am I getting hammered?"
"Did I used to look like sexy Jesus?"
"Why do they call it Fire Island again?"
"I am craving PEZ."
"That sounds hormonal."
"I saw Kitty looking at real estate in Bridgehampton last week."
"Oh dear, are we out of Champagne?"
"Lets go to Uruguay!"
"I still have the hiccups"
"Try sugar on your tongue"
"There's only Splenda."
Champagne ala Sally Forth
1 1/2 oz passion-fruit puree
simple syrup
1/2 oz Alize® liqueur
Pour passion fruit puree into a champagne saucer and stir in the simple syrup (to taste). Slowly add the champagne whilst stirring gently. Float the alize on top, and serve.

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zeitgeist, particular friend, perky libertine, animated trickster, iconoclast, rabble-rouser, object of worship, provocateur, capricious damp enchantress, idiosyncratic beloved reptile, whimsical saucy booze hound, bellwether, luminary, stoic, pensive illicit paramour, aloof, engaged, intuitive, curious, perplexing deranged mastermind, passionate, lasciviously adored offspring, amorous, sultry flamboyant charioteer, scholar, scribe, exalted thespian, voracious, considerable chieftain, impaired, cynical colleague, dreamer, procrastinator, loathsome glutton, artist, oppressed peasant, dainty heathen, narcissist, self-loathing...renaissance man