Saturday, September 20, 2008

Can i has $700 billions?

My, my, my, my, my, my, time simply flies when you are having fun!
Hello, everyone. How’s your summer been?
In case you’d been following along and started wondering what happened to me, I decided to take the summer off from doing this.

Of course, I didn’t announce this fact, and I apologize for not doing so, but I figured it was time for a hiatus. There’s nothing wrong, I’m perfectly healthy, nobody died – the economy is on life support – and I’ve had a halfway decent summer, all things considered.

Speaking of, I suppose you haven't heard anything about my beloved Mam' Zelles near fatal illness? Or My trip to Buenos Aires? NO?
Our evacuation from New Orleans from the dangerously sounding yet ultimately flaccid Gustav? No? Mr. Mooses mind twisting rescue of the beloved Poli and Monkey? NO? Oh sweet baby Jezus, I am going to get "Carnival tunnel syndrome" or whatever it's called I just know it...

But first- politics- let me get some clarity, I'm a little confused about the political accusations that are flying around. Reviewing the current mindset regarding the Presidential candidates and their VP choices, let me see if I understand this correctly:-

-If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're “exotic” and “different.”

-If you grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you’re a quintessential “American story.”-

-If your name is Barack, you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.-

-If you name your children Willow, Trig, and Track, you're a “maverick.”-

-If you graduate from Harvard law School, you are unstable.-

-If you attend five different, small colleges before graduating, you're “well grounded.”-

-If you spend three years as a brilliant community organizer, and become the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, and create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, and spend 12 years as a Constitutional law professor, and spend eight years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, and become chairman of the State Senate's Health and Human Services Committee, and spend nearly four years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works, and Veteran's Affairs Committees, you don't have any real leadership experience

-If your total resume is: local TV weather girl, four years on the city council, and six years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, and 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest-ranking executive.

- If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising two beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.

- If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, then deserted and divorced your disfigured wife and married the heiress the very next month, you're an admirable Christian.

- If you support the teaching of responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

- If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system, while your unwed teen daughter ends up (very publicly) pregnant, then you're behaving as an upstanding, compassionate, responsible citizen.

- If your wife is a Harvard-graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner-city community, and later gave that up to raise a family, then your family's values do not represent America's.

- If your husband is nicknamed “First Dude,” who has at least one DWI conviction on his record and no college education whatsoever, who did not register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the United States, then your family serves as an admirable role model for America's citizens.

OK, much clearer now. I am not even going to question the fact that John McSame spends $5000. -five thousand!- dollars to makeup artist Tiffanie White per application for public events...

Here's a toast to McCain and his maquillage, Palin, the gal that loves her some musty moose hoof and the Elitists that envy their moxie!

The Palintologist

6 oz Coors Light beer
1/2 oz Grey Goose vodka
1/2 oz Hennessey cognac
1/2 oz Kahlua coffee liqueur

Pour 6 oz. of Coors light into beer mug. Put 1/3 shot of each liquor in shot glass and drop shot glass into beer mug and then DRINK.

Lets put on our Suzanne Charney ponytail and do the rich man's frug!

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zeitgeist, particular friend, perky libertine, animated trickster, iconoclast, rabble-rouser, object of worship, provocateur, capricious damp enchantress, idiosyncratic beloved reptile, whimsical saucy booze hound, bellwether, luminary, stoic, pensive illicit paramour, aloof, engaged, intuitive, curious, perplexing deranged mastermind, passionate, lasciviously adored offspring, amorous, sultry flamboyant charioteer, scholar, scribe, exalted thespian, voracious, considerable chieftain, impaired, cynical colleague, dreamer, procrastinator, loathsome glutton, artist, oppressed peasant, dainty heathen, narcissist, self-loathing...renaissance man